I’m not sure why.
The words haven’t run dry.
But I always seem to
Have other things to do.
I click and post.
I’m a good party-host.
I invite and attend.
I ping; type and send.
It’s easier that way.
I work and play.
Spend time here and there
(But mostly on my chair).
I type and click and listen and read,
And somehow, pay no heed
To the words that seem trapped…behind a door.
And I just…don’t write anymore.
…bury me or burn me.
What difference will it make when I’m gone?
As I chatted with a friend of mine today, I realized I’d forgotten.
Forgotten what makes me smile.
The word seemed to alienate itself from my existence. I had to distance myself for a while to realize that whilst I’ve been remembering to plaster it on each day, everyday, I’ve increasingly forgotten what truly makes my lips turn into a grin…into a heartfelt smile.
My smile curves into a lopsided grin when I sit back and listen to someone speak the words I want to hear. It’s lopsided because those words aren’t meant for me. They’re spoken for someone else…to someone else. I remain a mere bystander, observing. And somewhere in my fantasies, I see myself secretly trade places with the lucky lass.
I smile when I suddenly hear that song that somehow found itself at the bottom of my playlist. I smile at the memories that it brings along with the melody. And the words. Oh, those words! It pulls at those long-forgotten strings lying deep within a long-lost life…and there it begins to play a tune of its own. This time, however, a little different…a little nostalgic.
Dance… I smile when I see someone dance. I smile for I know I cannot. I smile because you can. Or he can. Or she can. I smile because they can. I smile because I know that someday, one day…so shall I. Dance…
My lips form an involuntary curve when I stumble upon a look that is shared between two of cupid’s newest victims. I smile when I find myself as an unexpected, uninvited and nonexistent part of their moment…of that glance they thought no one else noticed. I smile because I sense their desire, their passion, and their sheer helplessness when they seek each other out in the midst of hundreds of others…and I smile because I understand why they can’t break away from that stare. I smile because I know that for them…only they exist.
For the first time in months, I truly smile.